The movie makes the point that we all have made good choices/fun choices/ choices that enrich our lives and the lives of others. And, we have made stupid choices that take us away from where our hearts are truly yearning to be.

Several years ago I had an experience of great disappointment, disenchantment, dis-illusionment, and dis-enfranchisement with the force that had motivated my choices since I was 19. I had always thought that,( despite what Christianity teaches about a Fatherly God who loves and watches over us, guiding our every movement if we would just LISTEN to Him,) the evidence to support this viewpoint doesn’t exist. I am a parent and I would never treat my child with the kind of neglect and indifference that the Christian god shows to us, mere mortals, on this little blue planet.

Instead, I found enormous support, contantly evident, that there is a large SOMETHING – I call Universe for lack of a better word) – that motors on according to It’s own Plan and Organization
with It’s own volumes of Rules and Regulations (some of which we have figured out…others we still have no clue about) – but to which or whom we are not really significant. We either go along with the flow, and find love and harmony within the Big IS…or we fight the flow and end up making a real nightmare of – not only our lives, but also everyone else’s -and the beautiful blue world we’ve been lucky to belong OF. (Think about those words and you’ll see why I’m using such an ungracious and cumbersome phrase.)

I fought mightily against this sudden shift of viewpoint. I was just sure that I had taken a wrong step somewhere…and found myself on the other side of a barrier. All of my views, decisions, etc. lay on the far shore of this new awareness…and I stood on a flat plane, ringed by the tops of trees on the horizon….standing under a sky filled with billions of stars….with no more mountains to climb….no more paths to run up or down….no more beasts to slay…..no more puzzles…or prayers to perfect…..only NOW and IS.

Don’t get me wrong…I am not saying my life is unaffected by the nightmares ordinary life can throw at us. I just had a car accident, which scared/ and continues to scare/ me. I have had to go back to an 8-5 job, where there is a clique system so ferocious, I can’t see myself ever really belonging. I’m broke and frequently sad to the point of depression. (Have you READ my poetry?!) But within the snow globe of all of those things – there is this place of BE-ing there.

I have decided to take a look at this place objectively, scientifically, to see what it is and how it fits into the whole rest of my life. It seems to be a little like waking up on an unfamiliar planet, sitting and waiting to be rescued…then realizing “the cavalry ain’t comin’ Jack!”.

You’re probably thinking, “Yeah…and how does this fit with the movie thing?” Well, I’ve decided that I will wander around in this new dimension…..and find a way to take on the ultimate responsibility of making my life more like MY life, before the years and the decaying body makes it impossible to do anything. As I go, I will write about some of the things that remain after the winds and sands of the wastelands etch me down to skeletal stuff… about the Truths that remain when the dogma has dissolved.

There will be more poetry — perhaps less cynical….perhaps more….perhaps more inspiring…..perhaps just better quality…

I hope you will stop by from time to time….and see if there is any progress…..and body slam me to the carpet if I seem to have become LESS honest with myself.

So—Peace. Always Peace.
And let’s try to enjoy something about this interminable winter, or – at least enjoy some warm cocoa or soup with a friend.
JPG

We now have a contributor’s page if you would like to send poems or essays to us. I do ask that they have 1.5 spacing in 12 pt type, preferably an easy-to-read font such as Times New Roman, Arial, or Tahoma. We also would like an email address so we can discuss any problems we might have before we put the contribution up for consumption by the whole internet world.

Coming soon, I will also put up the beginnings of several novels I have had in the works for a long time. Please read them and comment on the voice and content as you feel is appropriate. I truly hope to get your feedback to help me get a feel for what I am doing right, and how I can improve. I’m nearly 60, and I figure, conservatively, I have probably 15-20 yrs –tops—to produce a lifetime of work. To produce the works I should have been working on in my whole lifetime. I hope you will comment. I really, really hope you will comment. I will listen very seriously to what you have to say. Thank you. Please send all comments to me at contact@onedefiantheartpoetry.com – I appreciate it very much.

So, Here we go……
ENJOY! And don’t forget to write…..(did you get the double entendre? I am so clever!)

Peace
JP Green

I am broke. Dead-ass….stinkin’ poor….no pot left to piss in…..and plenty pissed off about it…..broke. I’ve been trying to find a job in an EE – Employer’s Economy. You’ve heard of a Buyer’s Market in real estate, in which the Buyer’s can – pretty much – dictate their own price and terms on a house because of the glut of homes for sale. The same applies in an Employer’s Market. There is a surfeit of very qualified job seekers out there in the market, so the Employer can have his/hers/its pick of employees. So, in the toss up between hiring a 20-something, cute, healthy,thin blond, with decent credentials, and choosing a 58+year old, rather dumpy, greying woman, with an older woman body,who is probably somewhat OVER qualified for many beginning level positions, guess who wins? Go ahead…..guess.

And, yet, I have tried. A little absurdly. In fact I’ve passed the number of attempts, with the same number of expectations of a different outcome, to qualify me as insane, according to the definition: Insanity is defined as repeating an failing activity over and over, expecting a different outcome.
So, I am done kissing butt. Fuck em.

What do I love to do…Write…Eat…Pray (JUST KIDDING! Boy, you’re sure touchy sometimes!) I like to write….and I like to edit things

Not really done, if the Jobs Fairy would like to float down from Wish-granting Heaven and TINK me, granting me a really super cool, perfect job, working with people who are not back-stabbing, two-faced, gossiping corporate kiss-ass bitches (and bastards –don’t want anyone to feel left out,) then I would probably gratiously accept….and happily pay my bills for the rest of my life.
However, I have given up on ever having my ideal job…..or even finding a job that I can tolerate for more than three hours at a whack. So. I have been wasting my time, getting jacked around (and NOT in the good way) trying to write the perfect cover letter to go with my really good resume. Results: Corporate (and retail – don’t want to leave them out!) pricks – 43 – tired and confused and BROKE job hunter – FUCKING ZIP! Zippo! NADA! GOOSE-egg!

So, today I realized I have been wasting a lot of valuable time, when I could have been playing to my strengths. I think it was Laotz Tsu (I know-not spelled right- but I just don’t have time to stop and look it up right now.) in

The Art of War,

Do not play your enemy’s game…or something like that. So…. I’m going to write… I hope I can do this every night.

My second blog in this series has to do with NOT being BULLIED. You know all those asses who bullied you in high school? Made your life miserable? Made you feel ashamed and unprotected by the Rules of the High School…? Guess what?! Guess where all those people are today?! That’s right! They now run the call centers where they decline talking to you about a job………and they are the bankers who won’t give you a consolidation loan….and the shop managers who consider you manic-depressive if you come in to work so fucking tired you can hardly stand….and can’t manage to re-stock shelves blurringly fast. I will try to write again tomorrow.

In the meantime, KEEP THE FAITH….Keep your chin down and your spirit up…..and don’t let the bullies win. Peace.

JP Green

The short story starts are going to post starting this weekend (I hope) and there will be a new poem – a minimum of one- each week.
Please spread the word.

As for looking for work…That continues…but, I hate the corporate world. It gives me anxiety attacks. I like doing gardening, but it is almost done for this year. So, I think I will work on really rockin’ with this website —- adding more poetry, shorts, even pictures with the poems! –all in preparation for publishing a collection of poetry and/or a book. It will be with a POD publisher (called a vanity publisher by the snobs of the world – and called “my last hope” by those who have…uh…nothing else to hang their hopes on.) I just want to see if there are people out there who are actually reading this site. If you are, please send a blurb to the folks on your email list and ask them to check in – in about a week- to catch the new additions, and to read and comment on the story starts.

If YOU have contributions for our coming Contributor’s page, get them ready. I would love to show off your stuff. (Literary…not your actual “stuff” … Besides – if you’re like me you try really hard NOT to show off your stuff…. Besides, my stuff just isn’t where it should be, these days….but I blame gravity — and extra gravy—for that!)

Where was I? Oh, yes- so, please spread the word, and send comments and/or contributions of the literary type, and I will try to be a better blogger and poet, so you will be more entertained when you come visit. Is it a deal?

Talk to you later.
Peace.
JPG

My webmaster informed me that it was not cool to delete my old blogs. OOPS! (Who knew?) I just reread them and decided none of them was particularly awe inspiring. Perhaps I should have kept the first one, since it is my “throwing down the gauntlet” piece. So, this will be Throwing Down the Gauntlet: Part II. (Sort of…)

So, let’s take a look at what’s been going on since I flipped out and told my boss to count me out of the Pool of Paper Pushing Monkeys. I have tried my own gardening service….with mixed results…and with not enough real response to keep my bills paid. TDN and I have taken a wonderful vacation-to-end-all-vacations trip…which was lovely, but which made me want to go back…..SOON! And take my son along so he can see some of the wonderful National Parks. I have been looking for a job, which – at age 58 (it is still 58, right?)– has been no picnic. We live in a rotten economy…and almost no one wants to hire an older worker. I think they think “too old…too overweight….not very attractive…used to making too much money…would get bored in an entry level job…too old….too old….too old” — Of course if I could PROVE that’s what their thinking was, I could nail them for age discrimination….But NO-OOOOOOOOOO. Tried to work in a gocery as a sacker/coutesy clerk, but my 58 yr old body went into panic attack after 2 1/2 hrs, and I had these nasty little visions of me keeling over from a heart attack and the EMT’s ripping my blouse open (NOT in the fun way!) and shocking me back to life (bad enough in itself) in front of a store full of customers (a REALLY bad day!). Doesn’t sound like much fun to me…..so I took a cue from my body and …… And so I’m still looking for work.

Writing-wise….I am working on the new project….with which I REEEAAAALLLLYYY need your help. My webmaster is going to post a new section to the onedefiantheartpoetry site. I have written the first 7 pages of a story start…. I need YOU to read it and comment HONESTLY about its read-ability. Specifically, please give me feedback on the sentence structure (ie., too many prepositional phrases, good use of descriptions, holds your interest, etc.) and I will take your advice and adjust my writer’s VOICE as needed…and as possible.

Once I get some comments, I will post another “start”, and you can let me know what you think of the next one, etc. I’m not really looking for comments about the genre, etc….mostly for the read-ability….. Did it create interest and make you want to know more? That sort of thing…

We’re also working on a Contribution Page where we can post writings by YOU… Doesn’t that sound like more fun than just me writing for you?!

Finally – Remember onedefiantheart is an attitude. It is a place where you can finally just tell the world to fuck off…..tell the world you are no longer a slave to the script and pre-conceived images of you it has constructed. I stand up and say — “Hey, there! I will not just crawl through the rest of my life trying to fit into a mold/cell you have constructed for me! I WILL listen to Marilyn Manson up loud, on maximum bass…….I LIKE IT! And I like that it annoys you! I will wear black… and really dark red lipstick… and this year I will get a pair of vampire fangs to flash at any other driver who tries to tailgate me in rush hour traffic…..or just for fun…because…..”

It’s all rushing past too quickly. Hard to imagine I will probably be dead in less than 25 years….. I’m running out of time to try new things…. To taste new tastes…. to run a mile…. to drive faster than — everyone! I’m planning on defying tradition…and maybe gravity….until the day I leave this “burg” boots first. How about YOU? C’Mon……let’s ROCK!!

.

For those of you who know me…please stop laughing hysterically.

I have this little discipline problem…. Well… it’s not really a problem for me…. It’s actually quite helpful. If I want to get the tomatoes from the garden processed, the dishes done, all of the houseplants tended and watered, and the bathroom cleaned, all I need to do is tell myself I should sit down and write. Works every time. The chores get done. The writing does not.

I have myriad excuses…the most serious of which is I have the marvelous ability to write — one page. Sometimes two or three or four, but usually one. I write it…reread it…edit it…and edit it…and edit it…and edit it…and — well you get the idea. After I write my one page I save it to one of my writing project folders, feeling oh-so- good about the “start”, and I go to bed…..or go watch “So You Think You Can Dance”…or go to a cheap movie….or plug in “Avatar” or “Phantom of the Opera” or “Contact” into my computer DVD player. (You actually spell that e-c-l-e-c-t-i-c …but pronounce it “procrastinating”.)

So. Here I am. I have a site on which to blog. (Big Whoop!) But have, as yet, to figure out something really mesmerizing (to me) to write. If I don’t think a story is interesting, how can I get someone else to be interested? Sure, I could write about my big vacation-to-end-all-vacations. (By the way….the vacation which was to be the grandest and probably last time I saw some of my favorite national parks actually fueled my addiction for beautiful wild places —- a little like taking a little shot of heroine to cure your addiction to smack.—With the same result. I want MORE! Now I want to see ALL of the beautiful places! –sigh. Gee…desire fueling bigger desire….who could have predicted that?—The answer {for those of you who have never been exposed to Buddhism} — is …Buddha.) But I need to find a really great story idea…

Anyway, I have wandered off track…..again.

I guess the point of this blog (spelled r-a-n-t) is that I am going to put up snippets of my non-poetry on the onedefiantheartpoetry site, and beg anyone out there who might be reading this, to give me some feedback. Please… And HONEST feedback, not “oh, this is terrific”…… ((You see how I did that….went for the compliment right away like that…..)) I need to know (even if it is somewhat late in the game) whether I am readable.

I know the genre may not appeal to you. I know it might be a little difficult to figure out what kind of story I am going for. But, if you can just let me know if the style keeps your interest…. If you are left with a little desire for more….or if you kept thinking, “WHAT!?? What is she talking about?!!” It would help me to know if I have a voice. (I think asking if I have an audience is too much at this point….) But just let me know if the flow of the writing is something you can follow….?

I would appreciate it. Now—if you don’t mind, I need to finish watching “Avatar” –for the 6th time — JakeSully has just taken his first flight on the dragon-thing-y—-the banshee…which is one of my favorite parts of the story. I love when Jake becomes absorbed in the truth of the Omaticayan lifestyle. Now THAT is storytelling!

Watch the poetry site for the first installment of one of my “Starts” soon. And thanks for your help.
Peace.
JPG

At any rate, I would like to share how our 3-week journey affected us….well, at least how it affected me. I remembered the parks from camping vacations we took when I was a tween-ager. There were many vacation trips to state and national parks, for which I will always be thankful to my step-father, Dick Anderson. The places we saw and the experiences we had are absolutely priceless…and much of it etched in my memories to this day. After being reminded of these places by the PBS series by Ken Burns, “The National Parks: America’s Best Idea” , I knew I had to return to some of these places before I could no longer travel. The memory of their beauty called to me. So, beginning in early June, when life created an opportunity that enabled us to travel to some of these incredible places, we jumped at the chance.

Some of the places were in the category of “Neat and Interesting” – some of them were “Okay. Not such a big deal.” and some of them absolutely blew us away…..in the category of “A Gift of Beauty to Inspire the Soul!” Glacier Nat’l and The Grand Tetons are this kind of experience. We sat and watched the play of light and shadow on the mountains and Lake Jenny in Grand Teton National Park, and I told my companion I felt we sat at the feet of Titans. Its beauty is truly soul inspiring…..breathtaking. And these words don’t even touch the depth of the experience. Montana and especially Glacier National Park are places of such unbelievable wonder….my words fail me.

I thought going back to these places would ease the longing to go there. Would content me. Alas, –NO. They scibed their mark more deeply on my soul, and I must go back again. I must see them; breathe their clean, clear air, touch the crystalline waters of their lakes and rivers. I will go back as often as life will allow me to. These places are as close to the divine in the natural world as humans in this era can ever find.

If you’ve been there, you already know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t been there….you poor, poor thing. Sell some of your toys…and put going to these places at the top of your Bucket List.

Go. Touch the clouds. Let awe for our beautiful Mother Earth fill you up.

(And don’t worry…they sell bear bells at the gift shop…{wink})
Peace.

I do want to give HUGE kudos to a chain we came across in Idaho Falls, ID…(you think Sioux Falls is “water running over rocks”—you outta see Idaho Falls! But it was actually pretty neat…THEY have seagulls near THEIR falls…!) Oh, as I was saying, we rolled into Idaho Falls after a gruelling 10 hour day of driving (Did you know that some parts of Utah and Montana don’t have real rest areas!!? They have unisex OUThouses on the side of the road. OUTHOUSES!!!!!!!! It was horrifying! Don’t they ever watch slasher movies!!? I carried a bottle of hand sanitizer for whatever restroom we stopped at….but I woulda needed a 50 gallon DRUM! I tell ya! Unisex outhouses! Good LORD!) Oh—where was I….

So we rolled up to our hotel, went inside….and it was one step above a unisex outhouse! Okay…I might be exaggerating just a leetttle bit. But I was tired and hungry….and the room just looked tacky. (So, how would we know? Most of the rooms in the hotels in that chain had been okay until then… ) So I start crying…which I try not to do a whole lot…bad for my tough-ass old chick image, doncha know….and TDN, my wonderful traveling companion…and the other half of the comedy team…starts pulling up hotels in the area on his laptop….and finds the hotels.com rating ststem—and a 3-star hotel just down the road. I’m skeptical when we see the rating for the hotel we’re in is 2 stars…but what the hell….can’t be all THAT bad….I hope. So we check back OUT of the crappy hotel…and give it a try. It’s 8 stories high AND across the street from the FALLS! Yowza! THIS COULD BE IT!!!

TDN goes in and talks to the night clerk, Thane – or as I like to call him – THANE-the-WONDERFUL…who, after hearing our horror story about his competitors, gives us the best pethouse room in the place!!!! I just about cried! I woulda given him kisses if the counter hadn’t been so high! He will always be my favorite all-time hotel desk clerk…and if you ever get to Idaho Falls, ID — you might want to consider staying at the Red Lion Inn. Tell Thane I sent you!

So…I’ll write more on the travels over the next little bit here….But I wanted to make a couple of comments in general about traveling to the National Parks. First….”the more the merrier” does NOT apply to visiting some of the National Parks. We spent one entire day on MASS-feaking-TRANSIT at the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. NOT a fun time… although the canyon is very beautiful and impressive. But standing on a bus full of hot, cranky, and often inconsiderate, tourists is a lousy way to see such a gorgeous phenomenon. The mooching squirrels at the Bright Angel Lodge luncheonette were the bright spot of the day, so, that should tell you something – (And the little Korean-American kids who called us “the two fat people” rather loudly, as we sat fending off the little gray squirrels who persisted in trying to eat my hotdog…from inside my MOUTH!!… need to be taught better manners by their yuppie parents.) People need to get over the fat thing, not institutionalize their prejudice by approviing this kind of rudeness in their children. No…not every word that drops out of your little angels’ mouths is golden! Teach ‘em some friggin’ manners already!

Oh….well…..With the canyon bus experience to go on…and since it is the same situation at Zion and Bryce Nat’l Parks, we decided to skip them and made a bee-line for Northern Montana —– which will now and forever be called “God’s Country” by me. More about this chunk of heaven next time.

And I promise it won’t be too long…..after all, I didn’t REALLY have to walk back from Yellowstone. (It’s too far…..Besides…it would have been too hard to carry the freakin’ souvenirs! …Are we THERE yet!?)

Peace!

Some of the wonderful places we plan to visit, I haven’t seen since I was a tween-ager, when my family would travel like a red-Chevy-station-wagon-caravan of gypsies from park to park, dragging a tiny, one -wheeled trailer with our big, blue, three-room canvas tent and all manner of camping supplies up mountains and down. It was always a fight to see who would get to sit next to the window swamp-cooler thing, which was all the wagon had for an air-conditioner. Mom would pick which of us got to sit next to it for the first shift…..and who would get the spot at the next pit stop. And Mom’s decision was final, so we accepted her decree and hoped we got a shot at the cool breeze before the ice all melted. Even if I had to sit in the back end amidst the suitcases and sleeping bags, I was okay. I had a constant companion in my imagination….and I loved to stare out the window as we raced across the grasslands. I would pretend I was a Pony Express rider, flying over grass and scrub brush, racing the wind and outlaws to deliver the mail safely. I can still see the blue sky with puffy white clouds. I can still see the patureland, with long grass bending in a wave under the wind’s touch. So many things imprinted on my mind. So many pictures still living in memory.

I look forward to drawing pictures of it all in words. I’ll send you a postcard. ‘Later, ‘Gator!